Thursday, April 15, 2010
Today marks the day that ten years has passed since my father died, and I feel I need him now more than ever. I don't know why I'm writing about this, I think it's easy for me to put this down in words. If I were to think of how he would feel of my accomplishments if he were alive today, I honestly believe he'd be ultimately disappointed. He may say he was proud, but be disappointed. He was my inspiration and it was both of our dreams for me to go to art school and do something with it. And here I am, back in the town I grew up in. I feel I let him down. It's hard to make a living as an artist, especially when no one will rep you and in this type of economy marketing yourself is a full time job. I do what I can, but don't feel it's enough, and think I need to work harder but my motivation is not enough. I wish I could ask him what I should do and hear him make some obscure answer with a joke, that was his style. He was also a very philosophical guy and read a lot of books about different philosophies. He gave me a book about Zen Buddhism by D.T. Suzuki, which he wrote several notes and and highlighted. In the back cover of the book he came to a conclusion and wrote a note. It said, "In life, it's not about how much money you make or how much you own and successfull you are, but how far you get from where you were." Smart guy, I guess I have to take that quote to heart and make a goal to advance further in life.